Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
Along came a spider and sat down beside her...
A lot comes to mind when I think of India and animals. First mental picture is driving through ridiculously over-crowded streets dodging chickens, goats, dogs, cows and water buffalo. Next would be the elephant-sized rodent that lived in our roof. And I couldn’t forget the invasion of ants. Christina and I battled the illusive invasion of ants for weeks. For some time there would be nothing. Not a single ant. Then one day one of us would innocently lift a box or bag and find a whole ant colony underneath. As we would run out of the house waving our arms and shouting for Ronald to come QUICK, the ants would all disappear, just in time for everyone to start thinking Americans really are as crazy as the rumors say. I even found a whole flock of them underneath the toilet seat once.
After spending two years in India this country really doesn’t stand out in my mind as being significant for animals. Never the less they have gotten the better of me a few times over the past six months.
First time was the night my very cool room mate Nubia didn’t come home until ten o’clock. I had decided to go to bed early for some much needed beauty sleep, turned off the light and crawled up into my bed with my trusty flashlight when I started to get that ‘I’m being watched’ feeling. You know the kind you get when you have nasty, beady little eyes watching you…Mom would understand…
Well I switched the flashlight back on and caught sight of a mammoth sized spider suspended over my bed. This thing had to be at least the size of a dinner plate…maybe bigger, say twenty, thirty inches across or so. One of the man-eating kind. After I had recovered my mental facilities, I vacated the bed at a shocking rate and started waiting for Nubia to get home.
And I waited and waited, mind you…I had gone to bed early…the whole time sitting on the little chair with my arms folded across my chest and with my eye on that gigantic spider. When all of a sudden the nasty little thing did an amazing scientific feat. I kid you not when I say that this spider that nearly spanned the entire surface area of the roof folded itself up tinny-tiny, itty-bitty and crawled under a beam in the roof, right above my bed…
Well that really did it. I was just getting ready to pack my belongings and head back to the good old USA, land of the free and home of large cans of spider repellant, when Nubia finally showed up and beat it to death for me.
After spending two years in India this country really doesn’t stand out in my mind as being significant for animals. Never the less they have gotten the better of me a few times over the past six months.
First time was the night my very cool room mate Nubia didn’t come home until ten o’clock. I had decided to go to bed early for some much needed beauty sleep, turned off the light and crawled up into my bed with my trusty flashlight when I started to get that ‘I’m being watched’ feeling. You know the kind you get when you have nasty, beady little eyes watching you…Mom would understand…
Well I switched the flashlight back on and caught sight of a mammoth sized spider suspended over my bed. This thing had to be at least the size of a dinner plate…maybe bigger, say twenty, thirty inches across or so. One of the man-eating kind. After I had recovered my mental facilities, I vacated the bed at a shocking rate and started waiting for Nubia to get home.
And I waited and waited, mind you…I had gone to bed early…the whole time sitting on the little chair with my arms folded across my chest and with my eye on that gigantic spider. When all of a sudden the nasty little thing did an amazing scientific feat. I kid you not when I say that this spider that nearly spanned the entire surface area of the roof folded itself up tinny-tiny, itty-bitty and crawled under a beam in the roof, right above my bed…
Well that really did it. I was just getting ready to pack my belongings and head back to the good old USA, land of the free and home of large cans of spider repellant, when Nubia finally showed up and beat it to death for me.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Over the hill
The number 40 has great significance in life. Looking back on history forty was a miraculous, life changing, transforming kind of number.
For forty days Noah and his family were scared spitless in the ark. Afterwards they sallied forth into the wrecked and barren earth.
Moses wandered for forty long….long years in the wilderness. Unfortunately his temper got the better of him and he died just short of the land flowing with milk and honey on an obscure mountain that goes by the name Nebo.
Elijah received forty days of miraculous strength following a single meal. After which he found himself a good cave and wished to die.
Jonah saved a whole city with forty days of preaching. Then while pouting sullenly on a lonely hillside his only last joy, his precious little shade vine, was eaten by a worm.
Twelve grasshopper sized spies spent forty amazing days in a land flowing with milk and giants. After which they decided to stone their leader and head back to Egypt. Poor souls ended up rotting carcasses in the desert.
Sampson delivered the children of Israel from forty years of Philistinian dominion. We remember him for three distinct qualities. That he was incredibly strong, incredibly stupid and an incredibly heavy sleeper.
Eli judged Israel for forty years. Then after some bad news he fell head-over-teakettle backwards in his chair, and died.
Goliath had thirty nine days of glory. On day forty he had his head cut off by a little runt who’d never even been to battle before.
Forty little kids got eaten by a bear after calling the wrong guy baldy.
As we can see, the number forty is rather quite traumatic…Err… I mean dramatic and definitely very exciting. Therefore Kelly need not worry about heading over the hill in her new ripe-old age of forty. Just remember, it’s always ever so much faster and easier going down than it is going up. Think of skiing, what takes you hours to climb, takes only minutes to blow going down, but it’s sure a rush!
HAPPY (40th) BIRTHDAY!
For forty days Noah and his family were scared spitless in the ark. Afterwards they sallied forth into the wrecked and barren earth.
Moses wandered for forty long….long years in the wilderness. Unfortunately his temper got the better of him and he died just short of the land flowing with milk and honey on an obscure mountain that goes by the name Nebo.
Elijah received forty days of miraculous strength following a single meal. After which he found himself a good cave and wished to die.
Jonah saved a whole city with forty days of preaching. Then while pouting sullenly on a lonely hillside his only last joy, his precious little shade vine, was eaten by a worm.
Twelve grasshopper sized spies spent forty amazing days in a land flowing with milk and giants. After which they decided to stone their leader and head back to Egypt. Poor souls ended up rotting carcasses in the desert.
Sampson delivered the children of Israel from forty years of Philistinian dominion. We remember him for three distinct qualities. That he was incredibly strong, incredibly stupid and an incredibly heavy sleeper.
Eli judged Israel for forty years. Then after some bad news he fell head-over-teakettle backwards in his chair, and died.
Goliath had thirty nine days of glory. On day forty he had his head cut off by a little runt who’d never even been to battle before.
Forty little kids got eaten by a bear after calling the wrong guy baldy.
As we can see, the number forty is rather quite traumatic…Err… I mean dramatic and definitely very exciting. Therefore Kelly need not worry about heading over the hill in her new ripe-old age of forty. Just remember, it’s always ever so much faster and easier going down than it is going up. Think of skiing, what takes you hours to climb, takes only minutes to blow going down, but it’s sure a rush!
HAPPY (40th) BIRTHDAY!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
But Grandma...what big teeth you have...
I can only remember having been punched one time in my life prior to last week. Elizabeth’s father had a most unfortunate fall which left him with a broken arm and a broken leg. More unfortunately he was here at the school with Elizabeth when it happened, thirty six hours away from his home in Bucaramunga. And most unfortunately he has Alzheimer’s disease which leaves him very disoriented and produces very abnormal behavior when he is under stress. Two days in the hospital and under the influence of strong pain killers and anti-psychotic tranquilizers was enough to put him completely out of his mind.
It is amazing the personality traits that come out of a person when they are completely out of their mind. One of my friends tells the story of his grandmother who was always very generous all of her life. When she came down with Alzheimer’s disease she would call him to her side and tell him to fetch her purse because she had thousands, maybe even millions of dollars that she wanted to give him. Well it just so happens that Senor Secundino was always a very independent person, hating to be tied down or wait for anybody. Definitely never had people waiting on him. During those two nights in the hospital, Elizabeth and I had to fight for our lives to keep him down in the hospital bed when the tranquilizers would wear off. Arms and legs flailing, he kept us hopping trying to keep him down and avoid getting walloped at the same time. If you were too close to his arm and didn’t have a good grip on it, he would ball up his fist and swing at you for all he was worth. If you did have a good grip on the arm, he would dig in with his fingernails and wait for you to get distracted by the ever increasing pain of his claws to pull your hand up to his few jaggedy teeth that he has left and bite you. After two days we were able to move him to a church members house in Barquisimeto. Elizabeth was completely exhausted, so I sent her home to rest and stayed at the house, together with my room-mate Nubia.
That was his first night after the accident without pain killers or tranquilizers. If he had been bad the first two nights, he was a terror with Nubia and I. Adding kicking and swearing to punching and biting, I considered myself to be the lucky one since I couldn’t understand most of the swearing…although from some of the gasps and expressions on Nubia’s face I could come pretty close to imagining what he might be saying. Since we couldn’t get him to give up his dentures that night, it was even more scary to seeing a pair of fully equip dentures coming straight at you.
Unfortunately Elizabeth says that he never did like to keep his clothes on so that was another source of contention. He fought us for all it was worth until one by one each item of clothing came off, last to come off being the hospital issued diaper. The next thing he wanted to go was the sheet. Since he was completely devoid of anything underneath, Nubia and I stuck to our guns on that one and fought him all night over the issue of the sheet. Eventually we had to tie all four corners of the sheet to the bed. Of course he wasn’t sleepy in the slightest, while the two of us were about ready to fall asleep standing up. During the whole night I packed in a total of four hours of sleep while Nubia only got to sleep for two.
Note to self:
Never work in a nursing home…
It is amazing the personality traits that come out of a person when they are completely out of their mind. One of my friends tells the story of his grandmother who was always very generous all of her life. When she came down with Alzheimer’s disease she would call him to her side and tell him to fetch her purse because she had thousands, maybe even millions of dollars that she wanted to give him. Well it just so happens that Senor Secundino was always a very independent person, hating to be tied down or wait for anybody. Definitely never had people waiting on him. During those two nights in the hospital, Elizabeth and I had to fight for our lives to keep him down in the hospital bed when the tranquilizers would wear off. Arms and legs flailing, he kept us hopping trying to keep him down and avoid getting walloped at the same time. If you were too close to his arm and didn’t have a good grip on it, he would ball up his fist and swing at you for all he was worth. If you did have a good grip on the arm, he would dig in with his fingernails and wait for you to get distracted by the ever increasing pain of his claws to pull your hand up to his few jaggedy teeth that he has left and bite you. After two days we were able to move him to a church members house in Barquisimeto. Elizabeth was completely exhausted, so I sent her home to rest and stayed at the house, together with my room-mate Nubia.
That was his first night after the accident without pain killers or tranquilizers. If he had been bad the first two nights, he was a terror with Nubia and I. Adding kicking and swearing to punching and biting, I considered myself to be the lucky one since I couldn’t understand most of the swearing…although from some of the gasps and expressions on Nubia’s face I could come pretty close to imagining what he might be saying. Since we couldn’t get him to give up his dentures that night, it was even more scary to seeing a pair of fully equip dentures coming straight at you.
Unfortunately Elizabeth says that he never did like to keep his clothes on so that was another source of contention. He fought us for all it was worth until one by one each item of clothing came off, last to come off being the hospital issued diaper. The next thing he wanted to go was the sheet. Since he was completely devoid of anything underneath, Nubia and I stuck to our guns on that one and fought him all night over the issue of the sheet. Eventually we had to tie all four corners of the sheet to the bed. Of course he wasn’t sleepy in the slightest, while the two of us were about ready to fall asleep standing up. During the whole night I packed in a total of four hours of sleep while Nubia only got to sleep for two.
Note to self:
Never work in a nursing home…
Sunday, February 3, 2008
The Art of Kissing
I never cease to be amazed and amused by my friends the Latinos. They are a very ‘aliving’ culture, as Elizabeth might say. Warm and fuzzy, loud and vivacious, always late but totally tranquila, distinct and cheveri…totally cool. One of the distinctly Hispanic customs is kissing. Before coming here I was one of those sheltered Americans who had never kissed anyone outside of the immediate family, unless of course they were under the age of say three or so. All that changed as soon as I set foot on Venezuelan soil. But there is an art to it. Not just any old thing will do. It’s kind of like learning how to eat with your hands when you go to India.
The general hello kiss is a light cheek to cheek kind of procedure done right after or while in the process of greeting the acquaintance, friend, stranger, enemy, boyfriend, girlfriend, family member etc. with one of the three of so dozen ways that the Spaniards have of saying the English equivalent of hey, howdy, what’s shakn’. I still haven’t learned the significance of all the greetings yet after four months. But if the question starts with ‘como…’ don’t bother giving a quizzical look and asking what it means. Just go right ahead and say good.
Note that the general hello kiss is strictly business. No lingering or monkeying around. Keep the lips dry, no slobbering on the other person or you get excommunicated from the club.
There are other ways of doing it for sure though. The above procedure is in general more for friends and acquaintances. The strangers and enemies fall into another category altogether from the ‘general’ hello kiss. We might call this the ‘illusive’ hello kiss. Or maybe the “barely there’ hello kiss. This one takes even more timing and accuracy than the ‘general’ hello kiss. For one thing you have to be quick on your toes to catch exactly the right timing. These kisses can really sneak up on you some times. When you see someone from this category approaching you, first of all brace yourself with a good baseball stance so as to have perfect control over your balance. The last thing you want to do is loose your balance on one of these kisses and end up toppling head over teakettle backwards in your attempt to execute the ‘illusive’ kiss. Even worse would be to loose your balance on the forward motion and go diving head first into a big, slobbery hello.
Once you’ve got the stance perfected, toes dug in a little for added balance, start moving in towards the cheek of the other person, all the time keeping an eye on the rate of approach of the other individual. This is where very precise timing comes into play. When you are very, very close to the other person…way into the personal space of an average American individual, you make a kind of swooping effect never actually touching the cheek of the other person while quickly reversing your direction of movement. At just the precise moment you pucker up your lips and making a loud smacking noise with as much drama as possible. This usually satisfies the best of them, especially if done with lots of smiling.
Now there is another kind of general hello kiss but it leaves the PG realm and enters the PG-13 category. As I am not sure of the age and experience of my blog viewers I will have to leave off describing this one.
Now you will understand better if I kiss you when I get back to the United States…
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